Connecting to the neighborhood

7.4.6. Connecting to the neighborhood

If we move out of the more central parts of Oslo and find ourselves sitting next to the window of a coffee bar in the suburbs, such as Kaffehjørnet in Tonsenhagen, it is obvious that this represents another kind of “reality”. In the little stuffy room, where there are only two small tables and two windows with counters, there is a very talkative atmosphere. It seems like the people at Kaffehjørnet know each other; I later found out that they mostly do. In contrast to the kind of friendships developed by casual small talking observed in Kaffebrenneriet in Ullevålsveien, where Peter may be characterized as the

“social-glue”, the kind of friendships developed here are more connected to the local community. Those who frequent Kaffehjørnet often live nearby.

Kaffehjørnet is the only coffee bar in their neighborhood and consequently it has become a “natural” meeting point for many people; and it is ideally located close to the bus stop. Kaffehjørnet is a place where you go when you want to keep up to date on the latest “news” in your local community. It also addresses the need for coffee and contemplation, for coffee and peace;

however, to a greater extent, Kaffehjørnet epitomizes the idea of a neighborhood café:

I like Kaffehjørnet, because it’s a place where I can meet friends; but also because I know for sure I’ll meet some of the people I like here at Tonsenhagen; people I don’t necessary have any close ties to, but who I like to talk to. People who have kids the same age as mine, which I see now and then;

people who are a part of this little small suburb,

said Hilde. She is in her thirties, is a mother with young children and works as a nurse; this means she often has a lot of time off during the day:

It’s kind of refreshing to come down here; very often I’m off work at 2 o’clock; I’ll meet someone, engage in a conversation, pick up from where I left off with some people that I haven’t spoken to for months. Just like that.

The first time I met Hilde, in a chance conversation in the coffee bar, she was getting information from “Trond” about the match schedules of her son’s soccer club. The information could have been downloaded more accurately from the Internet, but somehow it is more accessible here at Kaffehjørnet.

Trond (her son’s soccer trainer) said:

…you can have everything on paper, or on the Internet. But people like to get it in into their notebooks by talking to you here; and I’m often here – I often stop by after work for a small cup of coffee – people, you know, parents, people that are engaged in the soccer activities of their kids, they like to get to know you better. And they’re never short of information it seems.

Trond stresses that this need for information seems to increase more and more over the years:

Kaffehjørnet is a natural place for people to catch up on things in the neighborhood.

So the talking carries on and on, but does it ever get beyond chatter. “Oh, yeah,” said Hilde, “but you have to be careful not to underestimate the power of chatter.” Conversations usually remain fairly superficial in her opinion;

but can nevertheless lead to a much deeper sense of commitment and attract people to the place. Trond expresses this idea:

I’m conservative; I can know people fairly well without having

“deep” conversations with them; that’s something I reserve for

my old friends, the guys I grew up with. This is about something else, it’s about neighborhood.

There are some unwritten rules, some norms, which regulate the content of a discussion between the coffee bar customers, which is Anne’s opinion, at least. She is a regular at Kaffehjørnet, and has – in her own opinion – developed a distance to the activities that unfold in such a place:

Sometimes you can feel that this is a kind of free space, where you can go and lighten your heart; where you are among friends; yes just like in the sitcom “Cheers”, with the song

‘Cheers – where everybody knows your name’.

Anne’s point is that this is merely a myth; a coffee bar like Kaffehjørnet has its norms, and one of them in her opinion is that you have to restrict the theme of conversations to rather dull stuff.

What from the outside may seem as a very friendly place is only inclusive and nice if you play by the rules, talk about kids, about the weather. You shouldn’t be too liberal or have strong political opinions. If this place ever was anything else, if it was ever a truly liberal place, then it now more acquiescent.

This remark, on the other hand, does not mean that Trude avoids the place.

On the contrary, she likes it. However, she explained:

Maybe I’m just a realist. If you have any big problems or anything serious you would like to talk to someone about, forget it. Find another place. This is a place where you’d better be ready to be nice. And that is after all not a bad quality in today’s stressed society.”