Responsibility for contraceptive use

Doing gender was also visible regarding (negotiating) responsibility for contraceptive use. All the students said that in their opinion it should be a shared responsibility, but – as for the case

89 of initiative – they also contrasted this against the societal norm and what most often

occurred: “I think both of them [should] take responsibility when they have sexual relation (…) but high responsibility is seen on the female student. The males are not that much responsible for this issue” (Hiwet). If was further described “In my opinion, both are responsible, because both are enjoying this thing, you know what I mean. Both are a part of the activity” (Genet). However, the student also stated that by the culture the woman is given the responsibility. The female responsibility for contraceptive use was described as “part of the rule that is assigned to the woman” (Genet), “The duty falls on the woman, because she is the first level victim of the consequences of the sex” (Sara), and as “only females are at risk for the potential result” (Mengiste). Female responsibility was taken for granted as she would face the consequences.³⁶ Other students contradicted the ‘female responsibility’ perception, and one student said responsibility for contraception should be the man’s responsibility.

Although most of the students perceived it as a shared responsibility – but that in fact, it most often was the woman’s responsibility – when asked if a woman could insist/request a man to use condom, different perceptions were given by the students. One student stated:

Yeah, it’s kind of unfortunate, because we haven’t reached that level where women are comfortable enough and confident enough to ask, to demand for use of contraceptives or condoms, and that’s something that the society has put upon us. And we’re not, you know, we’re supposed to please the man under all circumstances and therefore men might not care for using contraceptives or using condoms during intercourse and therefore we have to actually attend to their needs and therefore neglecting our own, which is protecting our sexual health and maintain our reproductive rights (Misgina).

Another student said that the man would consider the woman odd if she requested use of condom. When the student was asked if a man could tell a woman to use contraceptives, the instant reply was “Yes! Unfortunately yeah. Not only the man, the woman herself believes like this” (Genet). A woman telling does not constitute an acceptable way of doing woman.

The hierarchy or power differences between the two are clear. Men possesses more power and ability to ‘negotiate’ than women. It also illustrates how this way of doing gender and the power differences has been taken up by women. This was also illustrated when a student said,

“if he wants to use condom, he uses, but if he doesn’t want to use, he doesn’t use. It’s working like that (…) most of the time the men doesn’t care about whether she is using contraceptives (…) they just care about what they feel at that moment” (Sara). This also illustrates the

36 When referring to the consequences the students automatically thought of pregnancy, and did not take STIs into much consideration. When specifically asked about STIs, they occasionally addressed also this, but pregnancy constituted the biggest fear and risk, and was seen as only affecting women.

90 perception shared by some, that the man could insist or tell the woman to use contraceptives, thus highlighting the power difference and possibilities for negotiation.

Avoidance of pregnancy rather than STIs was in focus. Women were expected to take responsibility as she would be the victim (of pregnancy), but protection of STIs was not addressed. When asked about STIs, a student stated “it works both ways, you’re right. But even for this case, for the STD case, she has to tell him. And he knows for himself, but she has to be somehow wiser than him” (Hirut).³⁷ Similar thoughts were also mentioned by a male student who said “When we consider diseases men also need to be responsible for that, but most of the time males are not, males are careless for that” (Mengiste), and continuing “he [is]

eager to contact her without any contraceptive method, but females care, they care”

(Mengiste). Similar thoughts were also expressed by another student who did believe both of them should be responsible for contraceptive use, but stated:

But I don’t think men understand the use, because they are not affected by sexual relationship.

Most of the girls are affected, like pregnancy, abortion and so on. The only way a man can be affected is having diseases. But the woman will be affected more often, with different areas;

physically, emotionally, socially (…) So, I think the woman should be more of protective. You don’t expect the man to be more protective, cause he’s not that much affected right (…) But I’m not saying that the men don’t have to protect (Berhane).

There are gendered differences in regard to responsibility. Women do responsibility, but men do not have to do this. These examples illustrate the complex, and sometimes contradicting, aspects of gender relations and the gendered implications for responsibility which were seen among the students. In one way, both should be responsible for contraceptive use, but in practice they are not. Despite acknowledging that men can be affected by diseases, it is still not expected that men take responsibility. The following paradox is made visible: despite the fact that a female sexuality is not articulated, that women should not be sexually active and that women will get reactions if they are sexually active or talk about it, women are

nevertheless the ones responsible for contraceptive use.

37 STD, sexually transmitted diseases.

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6.5 The impact of gender, sexual scripts and lack of talk on students sexual and