Cultural preferences and choices regarding children’s upbringing

Overall, regarding the question of the culture of children’s upbringing and education, all eighteen informants are in favour of a so-called Ethio-Norwegian practice. Nevertheless, in their opinion both cultures of raising children have positive and negative aspects. According to them, there are positive aspects of the Ethiopian culture in regards to upbringing of children, because children grow up with unlimited love for their immediate family members and relatives and they learn to show proper respect towards all adults. The children also learn to live in close contact with their relatives and not become loners. Girls learn not to behave the same way as boys. In contrast, there is what these informants consider negative aspects of the Ethiopian culture in regards to the upbringing of children such as:

80

• Children can be subjected to physical abuse as a form of punishment by any adult member of the family, a relative and in some cases by teachers at schools.

• Children can be subjected to verbal abuse as a form of punishment by any adult member of the family, a relative and in some cases by teachers at schools.

• Due to traditional adults` authoritarianism, many children grow up with a kind of fear and lack of self-confidence. In traditional Ethiopian households, it is not customary for children under certain age to eat at the same table as their parents. Children are

expected to agree and do everything that an adult member of the family requires. The opinions of children are irrelevant and they are expected not to interfere in discussions conducted by grown ups.

• There are more restrictions towards girls than boys in most Ethiopian households.

• Although prohibited by law, the traditional practices of girls’ genital mutilation still exist in some rural areas.

• Not many practical actions are taken by the government to ensure the protection of children’s rights.

• Children do not enough attention in regards to their wishes and needs.

Informant n.5: “…The Norwegian culture of raising children is better, because in Ethiopia children get less attention regarding the things that are essential to them…”

Informant n.6: “When we grow up, in most cases we are not raised in a manner that develops our confidence to express ourselves in groups or in public. I see this as a negative aspect of the Ethiopian culture of raising children.”

Informant n.14: “…In our family there was a system of hierarch. There is no room for democratic debates and discussions between adults and children...I wish things were different, but that is the way it was…”

Informant n.17: “…Only the female members of our family did domestic chores, our brothers had more freedom and more time on their hands...When I think about it now, I know that it was not a good practice.”

81

When examining the Norwegian culture of children’s` upbringing, all of the informants are of the opinion that with positive aspects such as respect and protection of children’s rights, adequate attention regarding children’s wishes and needs, development of children’s individualism, self confidence and self-reliability, come what they consider as negative aspects, such as:

• Excessive interference from the authorities and schools in parent/child relations.

• Mostly, the amount of freedom given to children is excessive for their age.

• Children grow up to be selfish.

• The respect that the children have towards adult family members, relatives and people in general is limited.

• When children grow up, the bond and love they have towards their immediate family and relatives is limited.

• Children become loners after they grow up.

Informant n.4 was born and raised in a rural area of Assebetefery in Ethiopia. Both her parents are farmers and at the time of the interview she was working as a janitor in a hospital in Oslo: “…I was raised the traditional Ethiopian way, and I prefer it to the Norwegian way of raising children. Because I was taught to have strong love for my family and relatives, but here they do not have such attachments.”

Informant n.5: “…Because children here leave their families at an early age and start living an independent life, they lose most of their attachments and love towards their families.”

Informant n.15: “Since childhood, children here learnt that if something is theirs, it is ‘only theirs’ and they do not have to share that with their brothers or sisters. They grow up like that, being selfish…If you have observed Norwegians rather rely on their government and the system than on family when they need help. For example, whenever a people gets sick or retires, the government takes care of them. But in the case of Ethiopia, sharing with others comes as a rule and necessity, and that practice became part of our culture.”

Those immigrants with children are already mixing Ethiopian and Norwegian cultures and applying the so-called Ethio-Norwegian method when raising their children. By implementing

82

what they consider the positive and rejecting the negative aspects of both cultures, these informants are raising and educating their children in ways that are acceptable to them. Even those informants who did not have children at the time of the interviews, stated that, given the opportunity, they would use similar children’s upbringing method.

Informant n. 1: “I think there are positive aspects that can be drawn from both cultures. For instance, I like the Norwegian way of educating children because it gives them more

freedom…On the other hand, I like the Ethiopian way because it teaches children to have more discipline and good manners, respect and love for their family.”

Informant n.2: “…I do not accept child beating, it is not right. But respecting the children’s rights is one thing and put in place certain boundaries is another…I think they do not have enough boundaries in Norway.”

Informant n.5: “Since we live here, my daughter will grow within the Norwegian culture, but I will teach her some aspects of the Ethiopian culture as well… I do not mean that

Norwegians have no respect for people; it is just that we Ethiopians have more respect and love for our families. For instance, in the future, if I ever need my daughter’s help, I do not want her to be careless.”

All the informants have made firm decisions of teaching their children Amharic (the official language in Ethiopia) and the Ethiopian history, as part of the necessary and positive aspects of Ethiopian culture. They defend their decisions by explaining that regardless the facts that their children are born or just raised in Norway and will live and learn under the daily basis influence of the Ethnic Norwegian Majority and its cultural influences, these children should still be acquainted with their roots in order to avoid identity crisis when they grow up. In the future, this will give those children the possibility to decide who they see themselves as in the Norwegian society. Children who have learned Amharic can easily communicate with their relatives and other Ethiopians whenever they visit Ethiopia, this gives them the possibility of not feeling isolated due to language barrier.

Informant n.3 has an ethnic Norwegian spouse and two children from that marriage: “My children know that they are Norwegians, but at the same time, they are also proud of being Ethiopians…they have learned Amharic…They have no identity crisis because they have accepted who they are...”

83

Informant n.12: “…I definitely teach my children Amharic, though they are Norwegian citizens, they still are ethnic Ethiopians, and therefore they should be able to communicate with their grandparents and other relatives when we travel to Ethiopian.”

Informant n.17: “…the children should learn Amharic because it is their heritage and identity…”