The Mechanics of Scientific Writing
W.S. Warner, Ph.D.
Day 1 Analysis and Structure Day 2 IMRAD and Argue
Day 3 Tables, Figures, Citation, Punctuation Day 4 Clarity and Cohesion
Day 5 Concision & Precision
Program
Day 1
Analysis –critical thinking from note taking to brainstorming
Structure –outlining: analytical, comparison & contrast, argumentative Day 2
IMRAD – standard components of a publishable research manuscript Citation – guidelines for referencing and how to avoid plagiarism
Day 3
Tables and Figures – how to make your writing understood Citation –how to reference your sources.
Punctuation – how to make your writing accurate Day 4
Clarity – six principles of clear writing
Cohesion – how to make your writing fluid Day 5
Concision & Precision – how to make your writing tight and right Review
Clarity
If something can be misunderstood, it will be.
Police Begin Campaign to Rundown Streetwalkers New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over Volunteers Needed to Help Torture Survivors
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Private Causes
of Cloudy Writing
• Memory of English teacher’s rules
• To make ideas seem more impressive
• Writing about matters we don’t entirely understand
– Typically when starting a new field – Discredit the author
– Author’s maxim: Write about what you know.
Professional Causes of Cloudy Writing
• Professionals with high school English
• Professions have characteristic ways of writing
• Writers new to a field typically
– Dump new concepts (not entirely understood) – Abstract ideas loosely linked
– Imitate vague clotted abstraction they’ve read
Sound familiar?
Ontogeny recapitulates phylogeny within the conceptual framework of development of advanced species, represented by adult organisms of more primitive species, such that each successive stage or stages in the development of an individual represents
one of the adult forms that appeared in its evolutionary history.
• If you don’t control your own thoughts, your style will slip into those same clumps of abstractions:
“conceptualization of the framework of ideas of development of species that are advanced, by representation of adult
organisms…”
Understand the Story
• Vital for all stories
– characters – their actions
• Principle 1: Make characters subjects
• Principle 2: Make their actions verbs
clearly state who is doing what
How to make it unclear
• Make it sound academic
• Hide the characters
• Turn their actions (verbs) into nouns
Compare same story
1. Our lack of knowledge about local conditions precluded determination of focus-group action effectiveness in sample determination to those areas in greatest need of representation.
2. Because we knew nothing about local conditions, we could not
determine how effectively the focus-group sampled areas that most needed representation.
Sentence 1 is unclear. Why?
• Characters are not subjects
• Actions are not verbs
lack, knowledge, determination, action, need
Sentence 2 subjects name characters; actions are verbs we knew nothing
we could not determine the focus-group sampled
areas needed
What characters?
The current estimate is of 50% reduction in the
introduction of new feed products in the event that compliance with the
Preliminary Manufacture Notice becomes a
requirement under proposed EU legislation.
If the EU requires that the feed industry complies with the
Preliminary Manufacturing Notice, we estimate that the industry will introduce 50%
fewer new products.
When characters are concepts
Because the intellectual
foundations of evolution are the same as so many other scientific theories, the
falsification of their foundations would be necessary for the
replacement of evolutionary theory with creationism.
In contrast to creationism, the theory of evolution shares its intellectual foundations with many other theories. As a result, creationism will
displace evolutionary theory only when it can first prove that the foundation of all
those other theories are false.
Despite his knowledge of the need by the cities for new revenues for
improvement of their schools, the Governor executed a veto of the budget bill to give encouragement to the cities for an increase of local taxes.
Characters and actions
• Governor
– he knew something – he vetoed a bill
– he will encourage the cities
• The cities
– they need revenue
– they [should] improve schools – they [should] increase taxes
• Schools
– they will be improved
Re-write actions with verbs
1. knowledge - to know 2. the need - to need
3. improvement - to improve 4. a veto - to veto
5. encouragement - to encourage 6. an increase - to increase
Though the Governor knew that the cities needed new revenue to improve schools, he vetoed the budget bill because he wanted to encourage cities to increase local taxes.
Fat writing
Verbs that do not express action, merely that an action exists
We conducted an investigation of it.
A review was done on the social media.
A need exists for greater client selection efficiency.
There is the possibility of prior approval of it.
= We investigated it.
= They reviewed the social media.
= We must select clients more efficiently.
= He might approve of it ahead of time.
Write clearly!
Were you told to:
1. be specific?
2. use fewer prepositional phrases?
3. show logical order?
4. connect relationships?
5. write shorter sentences?
1. Be specific!
Write more concretely.
turn verbs into nouns - characters
abstract and weak
There has been a decision for research termination.
subject names characters + verbs show their actions specific and concrete
The project leader decided to terminate research.
2. Avoid too many prepositional
phrases
An evaluation of the program by us will allow greater efficiency in allocation for funds.
Subject names characters + verbs show their actions reduce prepositional phrases
We will evaluate the strategy so that we can allocate
funds better.
3. Put your ideas in a logical order
turn verbs into nouns
+ string prepositional phrases confuse sequence of actions
The closure of the branch and the transfer of its non-unionized
employees constituted an unfair labor practice because the purpose of obtaining an economic benefit by means of discouraging unionization motivated the closure and transfer.
subjects as characters
+ verbs to show their actions
likely match the logic of the story
The partners committed an unfair labor practice when they closed the branch and transferred its non-unionized employees in order to
discourage unionization and thereby obtain an economic benefit.
4. Use connectors to
clarify logical relationships
How abstract is this?
The more effective presentation of needs by other parties to the UN resulted in our failure in acquiring funds, despite
intensive lobbying efforts on our part.
Subject names characters + verbs show their actions
+ link clauses with connectors (because, although, if…) clarify the sequences of clauses
Although we lobbied the UN intensively, we could not acquire funds because other parties presented their needs more
effectively.
5. Write short sentences
• Match subjects + verbs with characters + actions
• Compare the examples and revised sentences
• Not length but meaning
– how easily we get from the beginning to the end – while understanding everything in between
First two principles of clear writing
1. The subjects name the characters.
– Implied character in an adjective:
Determination of defense policy occurs at the presidential level.
The President determines defense policy.
2. The verbs show the characters’ crucial actions.
– Some characters and actions are so removed we must recast them:
There seems to be no obvious reason that would account for the apparent unavailability of educated recruits.
The Army wonders why students do not enlist.
Principle 3
Avoid nominalization:
turning verbs and adjectives into nouns
Clear: We must motivate interns more effectively.
Cloudy: A need exists for greater motivation efficacy.
But nominalization can be necessary.
Don’t revise if the nominalized subject refers to a previous sentence
.
These initiatives depend adequate funding.
This decision can lead to costly consequences.
Look for useless nominalization
• Nominalization linked to an empty verb
The committee has no expectation that it will meet the deadline.
The committee does not expect to meet the deadline.
• replace the nominal subject
Our discussion concerned the term paper.
We discussed the term paper.
The intention of the professor is to teach students how to avoid nominalization.
The professor intends to teach students how to avoid nominalization.
Notice how we trim down the original sentences?
Look for multiplication
There was first an explanation of the evolution of social media.
• Turn the first one into a verb,
First, we explained the evolution of social media.
• Then turn the second into a verb in a clause beginning with how or why.
First, we explained how social media evolved.
Abstract nouns often end in “ion”
• Under Home menu, select Find
• Enter: ion
Not all end in ion
Verb Noun
approve approval discover discovery
move movement
resist resistance
react reaction
react reaction
fail failure
refuse refusal
Adjective
careless carelessness difficult difficulty different difference elegant elegance applicable applicability intense intensity
Clarification about
Nominalization in the Elimination of
Abstraction
• Abstract nouns attract ofs and thes.
The conclusion that the reduction of abstraction
brought about by the elimination of nominalization to the annual report was carried out…
• Liberate the active verb hidden in every abstract
noun and these redundant words will disappear.
You’ve been texted, friended and verbed
Mothers and fathers used to bring up children: now they parent.
Critics used to review plays: now they critique them.
– Unemployment has been trending upwards – Scientists evidence, writers text, all Google
• Some ridiculous: verbs from nouns from verbs
– Let’s conference (from Let’s confer) – Smith statemented… Smith stated
• Principle: avoid turning nouns into verbs
Principle 4
Use the
Appropriate Voice
character goal
Active: The client broke the agreement.
subject object
goal character
Passive: The agreement was broken by the client.
subject prepositional phrase
Active Eliminates the Abstract
Passive: A novel method of teaching writing has been discovered by the staff. The new approach detailed in a plan will be submitted.
Active: The staff has discovered a novel method to teach writing.
They will submit a plan that details the new approach.
• Passives with nominalizations are abstract
Gender movement to less restrictive methods of finance may be followed by increased probability of poverty reduction within households.
• Active sentence is vigorous, direct
– names the specific agent of an action – reduces the words
If we finance women less restrictively, they may increase household wealth.
Passive emphasizes the object
(typical in Methodology)
We cultured the cells for 48 hours in media that we diluted with water.
Cells were cultured for 48 hours in media diluted with water.
• To be: is, are, was and were weaken, cloud, evade
There were four students under investigation. (passive) Four students were investigated. (passive)
The committee investigated four students. (active)
• Active more precise than passive Smith found…
It was found… (character?)
• Why then do scientists and scholars insist on the passive?
– Active voice associated with first-person (I, we)
– Editorial requirements of journals: Third-person passive…
– Bad habit
Why use the passive voice?
To avoid stating who is responsible for an action
– because you don’t know, – or don’t care,
– or because you’d rather not say.
Those found guilty of leaking documents will be terminated and can be prosecuted.
The CEO terminates the employees.
Who actually prosecutes them?
Mistakes were made.
Avoid beginning with Passive Nominalization
When nominalization follows there is, was, are, were 1. change the noun to a verb
2. find a new subject
There was erosion of the land from the floods.
The floods eroded the land.
There is a need for further study of useless nominalization.
You must study useless nominalization further.
Tip: Under Home in Word find: “there”
check for nominalization.
Scholars in different fields write in different ways.
And in all fields, some scholarly writers and editors resolutely avoid the first person everywhere. But if they claim that all good academic writing in all
fields must always be impersonally written third- person, always passive, they are wrong.
J. Williams
Style: Toward Clarity and Grace
Pronoun Person Singular Plural
First person or persons speaking I, me we, us Second person or persons spoken to you you
Third person or persons spoken about he, she, they, them him, her
it
Principle 5:
Use the first person…
only when necessary
Introduction
refer to the context of writing about something
I (we) claim, argue, contrast, deny, describe, suggest, contrast list the parts or steps in a procedure:
First, I (we) explain… Then I illustrate… Finally we suggest
Body:
rarely for particular actionsI composed a questionnaire to determine...
A questionnaire determined...
Conclusion:
express logical connections I (we) infer, support, prove, denyYour call:
A matter of judgment
Faulty: It has been found experimentally that
genetically altered strawberries are frost-resistant.
Better: In this experiment, we found that genetically altered strawberries are frost-resistant.
Remove yourself
– Topic becomes more visible: you are not important I claim that China is… China is…
– Idea stronger: supported by evidence not belief
I show that… Empirical data proves… Smith supports…
Principle 6
Avoid
compounding
nouns and adjectives
Early childhood thought disorder misdiagnosis often occurs because of unfamiliarity with resent research literature describing such conditions. This report
reviews seven recent studies of particular relevance to preteen hyperactivity diagnosis involving medication maintenance level evaluation procedures.
late construction worker
Adjective + Noun + Noun =
cohesive data modeling statistics
collaborative integration methodology
household level poverty alleviation strategies
sustainable natural resource development studies
Commerce Business Daily:
fluidized bed waste heat recovery system demonstration
roof rock bolt bond integrity tester development
1. Use appropriate prepositions:
random analysis of household poverty analysis of poverty in random households
2. Use a hyphen to indicate composite noun
poverty-suppression pseudo-science
small woodlot owner?
3. Reassemble: reverse the order
random household poverty analysisReassembling Compound Nouns
1 2 3 4
early childhood thought disorder misdiagnosis
4 3 2 1
misdiagnosis of disordered thought in early childhood But what’s early:
the childhood?
the disorder ?
the diagnosis?
Unclear because…
Decisions in regard to the administration of medication despite the inability of irrational patients voluntarily appearing in Trauma Centers to provide legal consent rest with a physician alone.
• Determine character associated with actions expressed as nouns
– decisions decide
– administration administer – inability cannot
– consent consent
Make characters subjects of actions Arrange the events chronologically
When a patient voluntarily appears at Trauma Centers but behaves so irrationally that he cannot legally consent to treatment, only a
physician can decide whether to administer medication.
Unclear in the same way?
China, so that it could expand and widen its influence and importance among Eastern
European nations, in 1955 began in a quietly orchestrated way a diplomatic offensive directed against the Soviet Union.
• Not unclear because of – nominalization
– misplaced subjects
– confused sequence of events
Unclear because
– split what should be together – unnecessary words
In 1955, China began to orchestrate a quiet diplomatic offensive against the Soviet Union to expand its
influence in Eastern Europe.
Unclear because abstract?
Know your reader
When pAD4038 in E. coli pmiiman A mutant CD1 exemplified the P.
aeuuginosa pmi gene, a high level of PMI and GMP activities were observed in the media.
• Not unclear because it is abstract, split elements, wordy
• Clear to someone who knows subject terminology
When rebels in Syria exemplified the Arab Spring Movement, a high level of NATO and UN activities were observed in the media.
Abstract vs Concrete
• Abstract nouns = qualities and ideas justice, poverty, realism, dignity, truth
• Concrete nouns = experiences and objects prison, AK-47, E. coli, migraine, vertigo
• Abstract is often necessary, but prefer concrete alternatives The UN addressed the challenges of the future: problems concerning the environment and world peace.
The UN addressed the challenges of the future: climate change, food security, and control of nuclear weapons.
